I wish it didn’t take so long to write my dreams out – I have not posted one since March I think.
I am temporarily broke. It makes me feel like Frodo Baggins of The Shire if, instead of having Kareem Abdul Jabar feet with Austin Powers chest hair for foot hair, he had well rounded stumps for feet. Epidermal peg stoppers at the end of his lil legs. Yes, that is exactly what it is like. Imagine trying to get to Mount Doom on those rubber-tips. And by Mount Doom I mean financial security. Awful comparison. I shall get back on my ‘non-feet’ so with that in mind, as my friend William Shatner said while doped on goofy gas in Season six, episode 142 of Fresh Prince of Bel-Air, “It’s all good, it’s all gooood!” I have no idea where I am or what I am even talking about now. Wait, I am temporarily broke? Run those stats again, stat.
I remember a post I put up last November about being broke; this is not quite as bad by comparison – new starts are always tough! Fortunately for me and unfortunately for new starts, I am tougher than silicone railroad spikes made out of adamantium. How things have changed since last November. I love being in Phoenix but have not yet had a chance to truly explore the area due to my wallet’s unabated bigotry toward paper currency and plastic that can access funds from a special account that nobody even knows about. Not even I know about it. It’s that exclusive. And my wallet hates it. I, however, am full of adoration for it even though I have not seen it. I call it faith (I just made that up now) and I believe Jesus said something about having faith the size of a mustard droplet and inheriting a mountain? Yes, well…..it appears I will be inheriting the Rockies. When I do, I will throw my current wallet from it’s peaks and replace it with a more open-minded wallet made from the skin of a Rockies-dwelling Yeti snowman. Not the mammal creature, but an actual snowman I will make in my own image and name “Yeti”.
I’ve been hanging out in my room a lot for no particular reason aside from my dog’s antics and practical jokes that consist of peeing on the carpet of my roommate’s new house. Yea, I don’t find it very funny. It made me uncomfortable so I retreated to my room to draw out complex and extremely artistic abstract battle plans to prevent him from doing that to the poor carpet ever again. The plans are so theoretically preventative that I am thinking about marketing them as a contraceptive. It wouldn’t be as ill thought out as my condom car experiment back in the summer of 2010 as I left the southwest for the last time.
For no reason, here is a picture of my boxer, Thane, whose bloodline saved Scotland from absolute ruin at the hands of the handless and cynical space urchins. Just going to let you go ahead and admire him. I do, I typically follow him around every evening as I take him on his walk and take pictures of him. I’ve attached 15 separate flashes to the camera, giving the short-lived illusion that the paparazzi follows him around, asking him loaded questions. What a bunch of race-baiting reporters. At least he has stopped giving the plush underfoot cushion golden showers. I found a small treasure chest under my bed that Thane had put together to idolize R. Kelly. Yea, I put a stop to that immediately.
I would like to get out and do things in the Phoenix area such as the Apache Trail and not just because everyone else is doing it, but because I hear it is splendid. I am all about splendid. Actually I want to take my gf Sonia out there and get pictures as well. In time, I guess. In addition to the Apache trail, I am interested in visiting the ‘Mystery Castle’.
As a fellow mystery, I look forward to discussing life’s mysteries with this castle. If I can find out how to access funds from that secret account I mentioned earlier, maybe I can pay the guardians of that castle and move in with my brown suga. I wouldn’t need to work, I can just charge people a little extra to come see not only the castle, but my own mysteries as well. I hear registers ringing! I’m not sure why though. Hm. Additionally, the Phoenix Zoo looks fun. Not only because there are all kinds of exotic dinosaurs trapped in fake habitats for humans to gawk at, but because I brought a member of PITA to Arizona with me. She locked herself in a dog kennel, naked (for some reason aside from an obvious love of voyeurism) in an attempt to raise awareness of animal cruelty. I think she would feel right at home at the Phoenix Zoo!
Update: I am starting my job this weekend (finally)!
I love the piano. It can be played in ways that make me feel like I am flying through pianos. You think it would be painful due to all of the wood shattering as I pummel through them but it sounds quite lovely. Please sample the song “Missing Persons 1 & 2” by One Republic to experience the ethereal quality that piano and good production can have when mushed together like a lunchtime pb&j sandwich trapped under a piece of fruit and drink in that brown paper bag you hate to have to carry and wish you could just buy the shitty but great tasting cafeteria food. Those vocals carry with it quite well! That song not only sounds amazing to a sober state of mind but a high one, too. By ‘high’ I don’t mean by an herb, but the high that naturally develops after eating too many apples covered in pesticides that I refuse to wash off because that can be considered molestation of the environment. I’m not interested in a courtroom battle with the EPA. They fight too dirty.
I think this blog post is done.
Currently (still) playing: Missing Persons 1 & 2 by One Republic.