I got a headache from this blog’s title.
I wonder if scientists have found a gene responsible for intensity, as they seem to have found a gene to explain everything under the sun–which I think is utter bullshit by the way. A slut gene? Are you serious? I read in the paper about a gene that has been linked to promiscuous behavior. Yea. Sure. It’s also called lack of self-restraint….which I am sure there is a gene for as well, since, you know, we are all victims and lack any form of self-control. What is it with this mentality that is becoming more widespread, making us all seem so helpless and child-like? Grow a fucking backbone you babies–genes be damned; get your mind right and act like an adult.
Back to my original point: I’m not bipolar and am not subject to the unfortunate whims of a chemical imbalance in my blood stream but I do feel emotions very intensely. My emotional state isn’t measured in a high & low/up & down measurement, but more like a circle in which the emotions push out hard and fast, like they pulsate. Where is my self restraint? I exercise it regularly but it becomes hard sometimes. Does saying all this make my rant against victim-like people hypocritical? Nope.
I read that book “Party For One: The Loner’s Manifesto” a few years back and it is still sitting on my bookshelf, making out with dust (it must have the slut gene imprinted somewhere on its pages) and thought I would love it, since, at the time, I was more content to spend my free time pursuing my own interests as opposed to wasting it on mindless banter with idiotic, apathetic people my age (with the exclusion of my close friends) but I was sorely disappointed. Anneli Rufus, you got it all backwards. You cannot lump loners together into one category of eccentric superheroes that the world hates, but ought to adore because, as you seem to insinuate, they are the sole reason we have anything beautiful in this world. I couldn’t even finish the book due to her incessant insistence that loner types love to walk the beach at 2am talking to themselves in a musical tone and looking for seagulls to feed & imitate while wearing a panda hat, a green poncho covered in popsicle sticks, thigh high stockings, and sandals from a yard sale. Alright, maybe she didn’t say all that, but you get the gist. I wanted her to just stop, which is why I put the book down.
You might suggest that in my early adulthood, I just felt disconnected from my peers, misunderstood, or that I have the black sheep syndrome. Well, to you I say: stop playing the race card. In a flock of sheep, diversity is it’s strength and no one fur color or custom of said color is greater than the other. If you have an issue with it, I am sure you can take it up with the sheep’s HR representative, who happens to be 1/8th of every ethnicity under the sun, making him/her/it/whatever it wants to be, the avatar of multiculturalism and tolerance. It may not have a backbone though, so please do not make fun of it because we all know that sticks and stones will break bones and name calling is even worse. Right? I’m surprised we have not run out of trees with all the tissues needed for the way people react to being called a name. The civilized person would assault the name caller. The barbarian would walk away and blog about it later on his stone tablet by the fire. What the hell was I talking about? What a rant.
The disconnect that some people feel around others is an interesting. Yes. An interesting. I think it may boil down to trust issues. In fact, as I muse “aloud” about this, I know for a fact that it is about trust issues. Not feeling like someone will understand you or your thoughts is because you do not trust them with that information and are wary of how you believe they will react out of a fear of being judged. There. Now if I can back that up with a phD and get Faux News to run it over and over
after the Sarah Palin indoctrination loops where she blurts out words like “Constitution!”, “founding fathers!”, and “true republican values!” to get people to unquestioningly rally behind her, people may blindly take my musing as canon around which to centralize their life philosophy. Do I sound like a jaded, bitter old man yet? Well I hope so, because I may be the most cognizant 26 year old senior citizen you will ever read from! Continue to the next paragraph, anonymous one.
Maybe this is all a defense mechanism and way to state my beliefs in a way that feels safe because I pose them as questions instead of declaring solidarity between them and my “belief zone”, my B Zone. B-Zeezy for short. If you want access to my B Zeezy, then you are shit out of leezy because I don’t trust anybeezy to let them get that…..closeezy? Ridiculous. Nobody likes rejection. Or being judged, and I personally detest being misunderstood & misquoted, having what I say taken out of context by a half breed (Boy Meets World reference) that truly doesn’t know how to walk a mile in another’s shoes or form a coherent thought about something other than what they will order from the “Dollar Menu” at McDonald’s or the new organic deli that serves GMO-infested bread with their soups even though they claim otherwise since it is becoming harder and harder to get real food that has not been genetically tainted by the benevolent and infinitely caring corporation, Monsanto. Or even walk a mile for that matter. Americans hate exercise, lol. Goodness…..I just went back to read what I have written thus far and can see why you may opt out of reading anything further due to my opinionated generalizations that seductively drip with sarcasm.
Something positive to add to my negativity soup………..hmmmm…………all of my appendages are still intact. Chyea!
I want to go back to writing my ridiculous blogs that (I have been told) make people laugh but I feel I need to get this out, let some steam out. I still make fun of myself for even having a blog in the first place. Nobody is ever completely honest on it, only selectively so, which is their right, but it is just ridiculous. You (I) want the world to know how you (I) are (am) truly feeling, but you (I, like I already mentioned) have to censor yourself (myself…this is getting mildly irritating) still, because you (I!!) don’t know who is reading it. So much for the liberating feeling of anonymity.
P.S. Is it better to be able to control your dreams or not? What is the benefit/risk ratio and are you likely to reinforce destructive behaviors if you fill your dreams with more of your conscious “self”?
Sleep time now. The start of a wonderful 2 day getaway with my main gal awaits us tomorrow.