Sun breaks through the window panes on the front door. It then apologizes for breaking the window panes on the front door. Warmth spills into the kitchen as the familiar jingle of Thaniel’s leash brings him parachuting through the hole in the ceiling to my feet. I pat him on his head, acknowledging his paratrooping skills slash penchant for dramatic entrances while I quickly throw on my anti-establishment hoodie (It has a HOOD! Man, will that piss off 1937) in front of the bathroom mirror, wondering what would happen if I brushed my teeth outside while walking my doggums in an attempt at tactless multitasking. I notice a picture on my bathroom counter:
The following scene rapidly unfolds immediately after putting the apparent recruiting pamphlet down:
I don’t want gingivitis! I’ve seen Austin Powers. Eff that. Normal morning. As to not ruffle any figurative feathers, I diffuse the situation within minutes…in slow motion. I want to brush my teeth like a normal lad when I get back from the walk but I’ll be damned if I lose another motorized toothbrush to the anti-cavity “Toothpaste Al-Qaeda”. It costed me $27 at the grocery store. Which, in a made up currency, could buy me a small island, compound included with outdoor toilets and white guilt.
The boxer and I crash through the front door and begin our walk while I brush my teeth with the robotic equivalent of a sucker fish for my teeth. I try not to drool.
Work was busy today, praise be to the realm of Elves that watch over all Lord of the Rings cast members. Liv Tyler is so gorgeous. Yesterday was busy as well, which is great because I have been so broke the past few weeks that I have had the above expression plastered on my face the entire time. Even when things are funny. And a lot of things are funny. My face muscles hurt because of it. What a rude economy.