The midnight clogging of artery.

12:34am according to DST. According to yesterday, it is 1:34am; not the ideal time to be eating grease and liquified plastic–I mean chips and french onion dip. Hell yes for being a fat lad! Maybe it’s a comfort habit; I usually watch Boy Meets World or Fresh Prince of Bel-Air while eating it late at night. It makes me feel about as safe as unauthorized wiretapping ordered by our Communist-in-Chief. I mean Obama. What? No, really though, it does bring a feeling of comfort. The eating and tv shows. I’m pretty sure I can hear my arteries swearing at me for this. What a bunch of bigots! They had to go and play the race card.

I’m really tired but don’t want to go to sleep. Because….the bed is a whole 5 feet behind me and, in keeping with the inexcusable rising obesity trend in America, that’s just too damn far away to do anything about. I may as well be in Iraq wandering the oil fields in search of water. At least they don’t have beds that taunt them so ruthlessly. Fuck you Mattress Giant! And the Jolly Green Giant for that matter. They have no idea how good they have it. In my day we wrestled dinosaurs for sport and launched sea turtles from pvc pipes in hopes of forcing them to transform into the satellites that inhabit their body, triggering the epic war of the A.I.’s vs. mankind etc etc.

I should probably stop eating chips and dip now.

Time to go lose myself in music. Would rather lose myself in someone else. I get to see her tomorrow. What a feeling.


One thought on “The midnight clogging of artery.

  1. KamaHooptra says:

    This is just fantastic. I mean you so casually mentioned the Jolly Green Giant as if it was totally normal. I applaud you.

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